Perceptions of time

Written on Sunday 27th June

Time may be constant, but our perception of time passing certainly isn't.

In my previous life I had no concept of time slowly ticking away, it rushed ever onwards, filled with work, evening activities, meals out, yoga classes, climbing, cinema trips, cooking, housework, love. Granted, work time often dragged but weekends never seemed long enough, and the months leading up to my imminent VSO departure flew by with last minute preparations and meaningful moments spent with loved ones who I would soon have to leave.

In Laporiya it's a different story. I can't say I've never had this much time, because I've always had 24 hours in every day so far, what is more accurate is to say that I've never had this much time with so few daily activities to fill it. In my reawakening I don't have household responsibilities like I did in England. I don't have to shop for food or cook, I don't clean, apart from occassionally sweeping my room of dust and pouring water on my bathroom surfaces which takes all of 5 minutes. I don't have to wash my own clothes, except for my underwear, something I strangely look forward to. It's the theraputic properties that sitting in the bathroom on a plastic stool, listening to BBC World Service and rubbing knickers with a clothes brush can have.

I spend a grand total of 2 minutes commuting to work. There are no opportunities for organised social events, drinks with new friends or outside excercise. In the last 8 days I haven't even left the boundary of our haveli (fort). My entire life is contained inside the sandy yellow walls of our house. When I first arrived this drove me crazy, but somehow I've adapted. It's almost like I've come to see each area of the house as a seperate destination.

The pastimes and chores that filled my pre-VSO life have almost all been snatched away. It's the ultimate opportunity to be responsibile for my own entertainment. It's not as easy as meeting up with someone, or going to the swimming pool. If I want to do yoga here, I have to motivate myself to go to the roof, set up my mat and teach myself the asanas using a book. It's a challenge but it was a challenge I had anticipated, having agreed to a rural placement. I came prepared with painting material, half a suitcase of books I'd bought in the last few years but never had a chance to read, DVDs, games and intentions to write poetry and do lots of meditating on the meaning of life.

But sometimes I can't help feeling lost with all this time to fill. I'm forcing myself to take advantage of it, thinking I may not ever get this chance again. I do write, I really enjoy putting the blog together, I have painted, I read alot, I watch films and I examine things in minute detail. This morning for example I counted all the multi-vitamins in my pot. Around 190. Every evening when I come into my room from work I cross a day off the desk calendar my sister had made with photos of my family, and I cross a day off my VSO wall planner, which has all my planned holidays marked out in thick pink pen. I focus on anniversaries, for example in 3 days I will have been in India 4 months, over a third of my total placement time, and it will be 1.5 months until Rob visits. I've been improving my soduko skills and this morning I wrote a list of all the countries I've been to. 18; 23 if you include England, Wales, Scotland, Jersey and Guernsey. I'm telling myself I'm not going mad, I'm reflecting on my 25 years and keeping my mind busy. Almost like those people who were in blacked out solitary confinement in Alkatraz who threw pebbles on the ground then found them in the dark, just to stay occupied.

I'm using the year to do some mental filing, to look at where I am and where I want to be. To appreciate what I've got, to fine tune my life philosophies.

But the truth is, I actually enjoy being busy, I like rushing around having fun, I find pottering around doing household tasks reassuring, and I'm organised enough to fit a lot into each day. Having said that, one of my favourite books is 'In Praise of Slowness' by Carl Honore, who documents the rise of the Slow Movement, where more and more people around the world are slowing down, not to become lazy, but to appreciate life at the right speed. "It is a cultural revolution against the notion that faster is always better. The Slow philosophy is not about doing everything at a snail’s pace. It’s about seeking to do everything at the right speed. Savoring the hours and minutes rather than just counting them. Doing everything as well as possible, instead of as fast as possible. It’s about quality over quantity in everything from work to food to parenting." www.carlhonore.com

Although I packed my life back in Bristol full of meaningful activites, I like to think it wasn't particulary fast. I enjoyed weekend holidays and travelling, but I rarely watched TV. I travelled by foot or bike, rather than by car. I suppose I'm living the slow dream now, but perhaps too slow. It's useful to be able to see the contrast, but what I'm after is a happy medium, neither too rushed, nor too under stimulated. I know I have to get through this year, I don't want to leave early, so I look at the days as blocks between holidays and pink ringed days, days I look forward to. I'm vowing not to clock watch, in fact I don't wear a watch, sometimes in India there doesn't seem much point. I do however check my emails incessantly, but I think that's more because it's one of my few connections to the outside world.

I'll leave you with this final thought from Carl Honore: "One of the key benefits of decelerating is that it gives us the time and tranquility to look inside ourselves, to listen to our hearts, to get in touch with our souls, to ask the big questions in life." After 4 months, with another 7 months to go, I wonder how my perception of time will change again, and how this will effect the speed of my life when I return back to England next year.